Hestia: Goddess of Hearth and Home
Caring and loving,
You are thought of.
Scared and alone,
You are thought of.
Strong and helpful,
I help you.
Full of love for you,
I help you.
I protect you,
and sacrifice my own love.
I put you before me,
but that is what makes me happy.
I really saw in this poem, that you describing yourself as someone who is very caring and puts others' before yourself. I really liked the line that said "I put you before me, but that is what makes me happy." I thought it was a great way to end the poem and it was very strong.
ReplyDeleteI'd say that you don't have to repeat things as much. For example "Strong and helpful, I help you." Maybe using another word for helpful like "reliable". And maybe you can have a little more of a mystery to your poem, not so straight forward.
~I hope this helps :D
Dear Alexis,
ReplyDeleteI liked your poem. You described yourself and how you are a very "caring and loving...strong and helpful" kind of person. you sacrifice your happiness for others.
You may want to work on wordchoice like what Angie said about "helpful." focus on stronger words but not dictionary words if you know what i mean. Also, the repitition of lines. I didn't quite get it and i got lost when you said, "Scared and alone, you are thought of." are you trying to say the reader is scared and alone or you are. Just be aware of the confusion reader's could get.
Love Always, Kelly(:
P.S. Good Luck!
Hi Alexis,
ReplyDeleteNice choice for your allusion poem :)
I think your teammates have some good suggestions. Kelly mentions that part of the poem was confusing and I think it's the mixing of first and second person. It seems as if the "you" is you (Alexis) because the descriptions "caring and loving" etc, seem to be addressed to or describing the "you" in the poem.
But then it says "I protect..." and we wonder who the speaker "I" is?
I think more specific details both about you and about Hestia, would help to give the poem more impact and also help to make it clearer. What are the things in Hestia's life that you identify with? What are the things in your life that make you like Hestia?
Don't forget to post the final graphic as well...it is part of the assignment.
mrs s