Journal 3 (Vent)

As we all grow up, we make friends that go in and out of our life. I still have a friend who has been in my life since I started to go to her school in 3rd grade. But in 5th grade is when we started our journey of being best friends. She is a great example of someone who I have gone through some bumps in the road with. Although we had those bumps, we always seem to straighten the road out. To me, best friends are families that we choose. Our families choose us, and they our are family no matter. But best friends, we personally choose them.

I recently chose a group of friends who made me happier than anyone could, DKX. We spent every moment we could together. Walking home after school, sleep overs on school nights, sleep overs on weekends, and much more memories. Over the summer, I rarely got to see anyone. Some went to summer school with me, but it just wasn't the same to me anymore. I suddenly felt sad one day when I saw one of my best friends leave me to go with another friend. It hurt my feelings a lot.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"OH! I'm gonna go swim at Shannon's pool! Sorry, bye." she said

Thats how it went. Not even a full conversation. It was more like "hello and goodbye". I acted like I didn't care that she left me for her, but I did. I cared a lot more than anyone knew. That's when it all began. From there on, the tower just started to crumble slowly. More and more incidents started to happen that made me not want to be with them. It hurt to see my best friends willingly let my heart get eaten alive. And it hurt even more, knowing that they're the ones causing it and they didn't really know.

It all started to matter to me less and less when an old best friend made me happy once again. Lets call her, Monique.

"I have a new best friend! HAHAHAHHA! That freshmen is really funny!" I said.

"DON'T TELL ME YOUR REPLACING ME!" Monique said.

Thats when it clicked, she still remembers the moments we had. She still considers me a best friend. I sighed out of relief and happiness. As I began to get closer with my real best friend, I started not to care if I was losing DKX. I didn't care so much, I began to call them "THE OTHERS". They cause me so much stress, how could I call them DKX?! They began to add more people in their group, and in my head, all I thought was "I give you permission to take my place in that group".

Now, I still talk to them. I act like I'm really happy to be with them when I'm in the presence. But truth be told, I'm not. I'm happy with what I have now. I'm satisfied. I know what they say behind my back. I know how they feel about me now. But I also know how I feel about myself. And I'm happy the way I am.